Of Marriages and Mehendi

The Last weeekend was truly a maddening one.

Two Very very close friends of mine were getting hitched. Yup Biting the dust.

Its the marriage season now apparently and 18th of February was apparently a very auspicious day.. "Shubh Muhurath" Like they say. So on that day .. ironically.. were two marriages.
Namita Got hitched to Dhiren.. A love cum Arranged Marriage.
Paridhi Got hooked to Vaibhav.. An arranged cum Love Marriage.

And since yours truly is not omnipresent he was chided by both "best friends" (namita and paridhi) for not attending their respective sangeets and shaadi's.

Since the entire weekend which was packed with sagai's mehendi's, sangeets, shaadi's and the receptions got me thinking on a lot of things.

Why do people actually get married??? Whats the true reason behind the institution of marriage??

According to a Survey, the top five reasons why people get married are:

• To signify a life-long commitment
• Security for children
• To make a public commitment
• For legal status or for financial security
• Because of religious beliefs

The same survey group said that the main reasons people do not get married are:

• Fear of divorce and what goes with it
• Avoidance of commitment
• Fear of making a mistake
• Bad previous experience
• Belief that a strong commitment does not need marriage
• Desire for a single lifestyle
• Belief that marriage will interfere with work and a career

I realised that people get married in the hope of improving their life. No one actually marries to sacrifice for the other person. People marry because somehow they believe it makes life better for themselves. Once you understand this basic rule, you can start to understand why a man wants to marry and why he doesn't.

I realised that we men only marry if we believe it will make our life better. We do not marry because we want to sacrifice our pleasures or give up our joys. A man who sees marriage as burdensome, hard, upsetting, or painful will avoid marrying.
Sometimes Marriage has has little to do with love. A person may love you, but avoid marrying you (or anybody else) if they somehow believe life with you will be difficult. Im guessing its the same for women. People in love will question this. But it remains true. NO matter how much a couple is in love, unless life with each other is easy, they wont move into the marriage zone. I know! Ask me! :)

For some men, single life just is better - and nothing will sway them. They may like women, but they don't need them. You can't change this type of man.
A man must feel he is 'getting' something by marrying - a feeling, a reward, a purpose, comfort, thrills, whatever. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. And ammu will vouch for that.. wont u Ammu?

Since we're on the topic, here's an advice to all the ladies out there. You have to learn how to push a man's pleasure buttons. If you can figure out what constitutes pleasure and meaning to him, then you can begin to understand why he would marry.

Is pleasure for him having a family? A beautiful wife other guys will envy? A helper and emotional support? A best friend for life? Would he love not having to worry about cooking and cleaning? Does he need help financially? Does he need a woman to baby him? Be his partner? Help him straighten himself out? Is he looking for a woman to have a blast with? Or a woman to take care of? Does he want a woman he has to work for and please?

Years ago, men often married for sex. It didn't come so easily, and this motivated them. The prospect of unlimited sex propelled many a man into marrying. Sex meant pleasure, which humans crave. Humans will put themselves in terrible - even dangerous - situations at the prospect of great pleasure. Today, men can have this without marrying. A woman must now understand the other reasons a man marries.

To conclude, I think before anyones gets hitched, they have to begin to think of what they need in a relationship.

If your a woman ask yourself - and what kind of a man has needs you are able and willing to fill. Ask yourself: Am I fun to be with? Am I difficult, critical, picky? Do I give my boyfriend pain or pleasure? How often do we fight? Do I pick on small transgressions? Am I always complaining, whining and wanting to discuss 'the relationship'? When is the last time we had a really fun time together? Do you easily snap at him - whether he deserves it or not?

And if your a man! - Well. Just makes sure you keep her happy, cuz only then will she keep you happy! :)

Both my friends have found men that they always wanted. One converted her childhood/college romance into a bond of love that will never fade, a bond called marriage. The other let her parents choose a boy for her, and fell in love in a couple of dates, and now shes So happily in love with him, and shows all the signs of sticking with him forever.

Im so happy for both of them. 4 more people in this world are Happily Married! :)

Heres a Photo of Paridhi, Vaibhav and Me!




And this here is a photo of Namita's Mehendi!



COngrats to both my friends.. Namita my best pal.. and Paridhi My pal who i know for the LOongest time! LOve u guys!
Congrats to their respective better halves too! :) Both of you are Lucky Men! :)